Saving it for another day

One of my favourite Far Side cartoons by Gary Larson has a dog standing in a window, a violin in his hand, gazing sadly at his friends playing outside while he has been made to practice.  This afternoon, I can really sympathise with his longing to be outside doing something fun. 

I have spent a really lovely morning catching up with a friend, it was really nice to see her and to feel like I was doing something normal.  I was 95% sure beforehand that I would need a quiet afternoon to recover, which is fine, that's what I was expecting.  As strange as it seems I find chatting really draining. Maybe it's the concentration, I'm not sure.  Nevertheless, I had said to Mum I'd call her at lunchtime and let her know whether to collect me to come and see Heralie after all.  With the sun pouring through the windows, it was a really tough not to say yes to some horsey time. 

It's the conflict between what my body is telling me, and what my mind is longing for which is the hardest thing.  I'm working hard at listening to my instinct but it doesn't come naturally.  In the past I've bull-dozed through life on determination alone, totally ignoring what my body was trying to tell me, which after all, is probably what got me into this illness in the first place.  A large part of me would like nothing more than a cuddle with Heralie, her nuzzling my hand or face, but I know deep down that unless I'm prepared to sacrifice the next two or three days for hugely overdoing it, the only answer is a quiet afternoon on the sofa with a magazine or Downton Abbey for company.  After all, as I've written here in the past, the quickest way to move forwards, is often to slow things down now.  The more times I end up totally floored energy-wise, the longer it will take to recover, get back to 'normal' when I'll be able to ride regularly.  If I say it enough times, maybe I'll eventually convince myself.......!

Right, so now my body is screaming in my ear at full volume, as energy is draining away with each word.  I better listen this time and save it for another day - I'm going to force myself to switch off, literally and figuratively!