The harder you fall

After the general struggle that was January and February, the first couple of weeks of March have brought some much needed better days.  My energy levels seem to have been a little higher; people have commented that I seem mentally sharper, and the train journey to a London hospital appointment last week was a little easier, despite suffering for it the next day.

Several weeks ago I saw an osteopath who treats medical conditions as well as the physiological problems we tend to associate with osteopathy.  She was recommended by a friend who had been taught by her as part of her degree course at the European School of Osteopathy.  We had a long talk about my medical history and current symptoms.  She also asked about traumas such as car accidents; I admitted to having fallen off horses countless times over the last 25 years or so.

She gave me a cranial treatment to try to start unblocking areas of my spine.  She said she didn’t want to do too much in one go in case it knocked me for six, but I could already feel some difference while I was lying on the bench.  My chest tightened and then gradually freed up as though a weight had been lifted.  My stomach started gurgling too which she said was a good sign.  Whether the treatment has contributed to the upturn, or whether it was the placebo effect of seeing someone who says she can help I don’t know, but I’ll take it!  I'm seeing her again next week.

Having had some up-days, it unfortunately does make the down-days more frustrating. It’s the old three steps forward and two steps back scenario, or two steps forward and three backwards during a tough week. Just as I think I’m getting somewhere, I get breathless walking up the stairs and find myself leaning against a doorframe waiting for the dizzy spell to pass. Or a friend comes over for a cup of tea and by the end of her visit, I’m struggling to string any sort of sentence together.

I am still trying to break the habit of analysing every up and down.  Am I feeling better because the increased medication dose is kicking in?  Is it the aloe berry nectar that I started a couple of weeks ago?  Is it because the sun is shining?  (We did have some nice days last week, I’m sure.)  Is it because I’ve had a quiet couple of days so my energy reserves are higher?  After more than a year of trying to understand, I do my best just to be grateful and not waste energy over-thinking.  The overall trend might just be upwards and at the moment I’ll take any sort of progress I can get.